


Resting Capybara Face (A Narnian Fur Pas)

by rthstewart



Series: Golden Age Stories [3]
Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Family, Gen, Golden Age (Narnia), Talking Animals, Tournaments & Court Events (Golden Age), Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:48:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26450641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rthstewart/pseuds/rthstewart
Summary: The visit started out well enough.  None of the Hounds mentioned that any lady was having a puppy.  But as the Horses would say, it was all uphill from there.
Series: Golden Age Stories [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/318467
Comments: 44
Kudos: 103
Collections: Narnia Fic Exchange 2020





	Resting Capybara Face (A Narnian Fur Pas)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FictionPenned](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FictionPenned/gifts).



From the Wikipedia entry: Resting bitch face (RBF), or bitchy resting face (BRF), is a facial expression that unintentionally appears as if a person is angry, annoyed, irritated, or contemptuous, particularly when the individual is relaxed, resting or not expressing any particular emotion.

[Source](https://www.livescience.com/55223-capybara-facts.html)

* * *

The visit with the two ladies from Archenland started out well enough. They were friends of Queen Iris who was very nice. Queen Iris decided not to come and Lucy wondered if it was because of what happened when she’d visited three months earlier. Queen Iris had no sooner gotten out of her carriage when the Dogs began congratulating her on being pregnant with puppies.

Susan and Peter had been very embarrassed and made many apologies. She still didn’t understand why having babies -- or puppies -- wasn’t something that one was to remark upon in Archenland. Besides, they were in Narnia, not Archenland and everyone loved babies and puppies in Narnia.

Preparing for this visit had brought out the insufferable worst in Peter and Susan. They were trying to manage every single moment and detail and it was driving her and Edmund absolutely spare. To meet the ladies, Lucy had agreed to put slippers on and wear a dress instead of Edmund’s trousers. Edmund was very grumpy and had taken to scowling at everything.

Still, it was mostly fine when the ladies alighted from their carriage. Lady Bophus immediately took Susan’s arm which left her daughter, Lady Glolinda, seizing on to Peter, who looked pretty startled. His Cheetah guard wasn’t too happy about it because her hair was standing up on her back and she lashed her tail so hard it left a trail of white, gold, and black hair on the back of Lady Glolinda's gown.

“Peter’s in for it now,” Edmund muttered to her and Lucy snickered.

The real trouble started as soon as she and Susan escorted the ladies to their rooms in the guest wing. Lucy thought it very impolite that they commented on the lack of hot water for a bath and privies when guest rooms in Anvard didn’t have those, either.

With the lady’s maid, though, they _really_ got off on the wrong hoof.

“Thank you, Queen Susan,” Lady Bophus said with a shiver. “But I just don’t think this will work.”

“Lady Bophus, I assure you, Willa is very competent. She assists me with my hair and dressing every morning.”

Willa stopped scratching under her armpit and looked up. “Laces, too. I’m very clever with laces.”

Lady Bophus lowered her voice to what she thought might have been a whisper but sounded more like a Peacock’s booming, screeching cry. “But she’s a rat!”

Willa stared at Lady Bophus and lashed her tail. "Well, yes. And? It's not like I'm one of those _Mice_."

The woman’s shiver went to a full shudder. “Her tail. And those beady eyes. I couldn’t possibly…”

Susan looked about helplessly. Lady’s maids were always a problem because so many Narnians didn’t have thumbs.

“I know!” Lucy cried. “I have just the thing. Come, Willa.”

She ran down the stairs and out to the Palace steps. She thought she lost one of her slippers on the stair and another in the foyer. “I am sorry, Willa. That was very rude. Your tail is magnificent and your eyes and nose spot things no one else could possibly uncover.”

Willa scratched herself again. Lucy wondered if maybe she’d picked up a flea. “I’m thinking Lady Bophus is hiding some state secret or security risk in her luggage and just doesn’t want me to find it.”

“That could be, Willa.” Lucy decided not to say that Willa shouldn’t go searching Lady Bophus’s luggage. If Willa thought that the woman was a spy or assassin, it was the Rat’s job to protect them all. “I’m going to go to the pond now.”

It didn’t take all that long. She ran to the pond, spoke to Cubby and Puck, and they ran back together. She was always surprised -- Cubby and Puck were excellent swimmers but they also could run nearly as fast as a horse. Or, at least a pony.

Lucy ran back up the stairs and burst into the guest wing parlor. She was probably going too fast and loudly because Lady Glolinda muttered something about “wild queen” that made Lucy’s wolf guard growl. She really didn’t see why she was bothering to help these ladies but it was for Susan, so she had to try.

“I found lady’s maids for you!” she announced and threw open the door so Puck and Cubby could waddle in. They were _big._

“They are very friendly, very clean, will be happy to help you draw baths because they love water, and do not shed or smell! And they don't have tails!”

“Lucy, that is very well thought of,” Susan said smiling. And it was a real smile, not those tense, false ones that Susan would put on when things weren’t going perfectly. “Cubby and Puck, thank you for coming. May I introduce you to Lady Bophus and her daughter, Lady Glolinda, of Anvard.”

“Hello,” Puck said.

“Good afternoon,” Cubby said politely. She sat down on her haunches and gently looked about the room. Whenever Cubby sat still for a moment, Narnians would come out of the woodwork to sit on her head.

Lady Bophus though, well, there was just no pleasing her. “Are they dangerous?” she stammered.

“No, Lady," Susan replied kindly. "Cubby and Puck are Capybaras. I believe they would be excellent companions for you during your stay with us.”

“They look angry. Are they angry?”

“No, not at all,” Cubby replied.

“I don’t know that I’ve ever been angry,” Puck added.

“They look angry,” Lady Glolinda said. “They should smile.”

Susan’s own smile faded. “Ladies, I caution you that when Narnians smile, it often means they are threatened or angry.”

“Or hungry,” Lucy added. She wanted to be helpful. Mostly.

“Smiling?” Puck asked. “That’s showing teeth, right?”

“Like this?” Cubby yawned mightily, showing her very long, and very, very sharp top and bottom teeth.

Lady Bophus shrieked and her daughter fainted dead away.

* * *

As the Horses would say, it went uphill from there.

Cook had worked very hard to present a lovely tea. The lemon tarts and poppyseed cakes were excellent and there was clotted cream for the biscuits. Cook was so proud, she even came out of the kitchen to present it herself. That was always a little intimidating since Cook was a Minotaur. A few flies might have come in when she did and her little cook’s hat was crooked between her horns. There was some blood on her apron, too. Ladies Bophus and Glolinda weren’t very nice about it, though, and stammered some more. Cook looked very sad and clomped back to the kitchen.

“That means pig guts for supper,” Edmund whispered.

“Serves them right,” Lucy muttered back.

In addition to the lovely treats and little sandwiches, there was the usual -- that is, tea with milk and honey. And of course, there were feathers in the honey and short, coarse gray hairs floating in the tea -- this time, they looked to be Cook’s own.

Peter tried to remove the feathers and got very sticky. His Cheetah guard offered to lick his hands clean and Lady Glolinda made some odd remark about doing it herself which made Susan smile in that very false way, Edmund choke, and Peter blush very hard. He had to excuse himself and when he returned, he sat between Edmund and Susan, and as far from Lady Glolinda as he could.

Susan tried straining the hairs out but the ladies just weren’t being very Narnian about it and graciously ignoring what you couldn't help. With Birds overhead and Beasts everywhere, this sort of thing just happened. Really, if they wanted tea without hair in it, they should have just stayed in Anvard.

Without being able to crowd Peter into a corner, Lady Glolinda was staring at Lucy’s own swinging legs -- her feet and hem were muddy, which just meant she should have worn Edmund’s trousers to start with. But with the Lady's snobby stare and sniffing impudence, Lucy knew that if she had long hair on her back the way the canines and felines did, it would have been standing up and bristling. Her Wolf guard’s hair was sticking out and that was really just the last leaf on the Dryad and she lost her temper.

“I got dirty rushing to the pond to get you two of the nicest lady’s maids that you could ever possibly meet.” She pointed out the window where Puck and Cubby were sitting peacefully munching on the grass. There was a Finch on Puck’s nose and one of the baby Goats was balanced on Cubby’s back.

“More tea?” Susan said, sounding very anxious.

“No thank you. We do appreciate your effort under these trying and primitive circumstances, but Queen Susan, can you please ask that dog to not…” Lady Bophus trailed off and it got very, unpleasantly, chilly in the conservatory.

Finally, Merle, Edmund’s Boarhound guard looked up from where he’d been inspecting his parts and licking himself. “What?”

Merle was a wonderful Guard, very brave, and he would die for Edmund, and nearly had. He wasn’t especially bright, though. Edmund usually did the thinking for both of them.

“Edmund,” Peter began in the worst possible tone. “Would you mind…”

Edmund rose up from his seat. “Yes, my brother, I mind very much. Merle saved my life, he is my Friend, and _Our_ loyal Subject.” Edmund didn’t use that royal language very often, so when he did use it, you _really_ noticed. “I’ll not hear any criticism of him from you,” his eyes swept over the room and their guests, “or anyone else.” Her brother stomped out.

Lucy didn’t cheer but she did jump up from her seat and follow Edmund and Merle out the door. She didn’t even say, “Excuse me.”

* * *

She found Edmund on the beach. The sand was warm under her feet and it was really too lovely a day to be indoors with ladies and their needlework. Not that it mattered given how dirty it already was, but Lucy pulled up her skirt and tucked into her belt. Edmund had already taken off his boots and rolled up his trousers and she joined him at the water’s edge.

Merle was rooting around in the sand, digging and chasing the dumb birds. “I love him,” Edmund said. “I won’t apologize for him.”

“No need to justify yourself to me,” Lucy said. “I understand.”

Edmund picked up a rock, tested it between his fingers, and then flipped it into the ocean. It skipped, one, two times and then sank. He wiped his sandy hands off on his trousers.

“Ed, Su and Pete are coming.”

“Thank you, Merle.”

They both turned about to face their brother and sister. Peter first stopped and said to Merle, “Thank you, for guarding Edmund so well, Merle. I apologize if I hurt your feelings or embarrassed you.”

Merle looked confused and shook his head, spraying spittle everywhere. “Well thanks, Pete, I guess. Don’t know what you’re sorry for but Ed is angry so you should say something to him.”

“Just so. I’m sorry, Edmund,” Peter said, sounding very grave.

“And I am as well,” Susan said. She was almost crying. “Sometimes, I get so worried about being a good Queen for Narnia that I forget Aslan’s charge. We must love our subjects as they are, and not demand that they be something different for the convenience of narrow-minded guests.”

“They are as Aslan made them,” Peter said. “Thank you, Lucy and Edmund for always being there to remind us of this.”

“You’re welcome,” Lucy replied. She didn’t want to be a scold. “You are both good rulers of Narnia. Aslan chose you. He wasn’t wrong.”

“Thank you for your apologies, and even more, for apologizing to Merle,” Edmund replied. The Boarhound had his nose in a pile of sand and his tail was wagging mightily. “I know he’s…”

Peter shook his head. “Say nothing more, Edmund. The fault was ours and ours alone.” Peter slapped Edmund on the back so hard, her brother scowled. “And you should use that royal We more often! You were very compelling!”

“You needn’t join us for dinner,” Susan said. “Regrettably, I think it will be stewed intestine or liver and Peter and I should suffer through that as penance.” Susan hugged them both. “Also, Lady Bophus is complaining about some misplaced hair combs and earrings. Do let her know if you find them?”

Her brother and sister turned and walked, arm in arm, back to the path that would take them up to the Palace.

They both knew to wait until Peter and Susan’s guards were well out of earshot.

“Should I tell them that the Crows stole those trinkets?”

Lucy laughed. “Edmund, really. Do you think something like that would happen in the Palace and Susan _wouldn’t_ know?”

“Peter doesn’t though.”

“No, but he’s just thick.”

“He’s preoccupied with trying to avoid Lady Glolinda.”

“Don’t you think that’s why Susan excused us from supper, though, to give us time to get the jewelry back in her rooms?”

Edmund picked up another rock and skipped it -- three times -- into the sea. “True that. I’ll have Willa do it. She can search the luggage at the same time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Syrena_of_the_Lake mentioned Capybara Resting Bitch Face. And it just had to be.


End file.
